Fantasy Attraction

I wish that I could find those attractive

who are attracted to me.

Because the ones I am attracted to

are not attracted to me,

and the ones who are attracted to me

are not those I find attractive.

But if I could change,

if I could find them attractive,

would they still be attracted to me?

Or is their attraction to me

part and parcel of my

lack of attraction to them?

Are they attracted to

the possibility of me

without the reality

as I am attracted to

the possibility of others

who do not find me attractive?

Because the unlikelihood

of obtaining something

is sometimes what makes it attractive.

It is a safe attraction,

a fantasy and a dream,

the thing you can never have.

We are attracted to

the impossibility of the the thing,

because that fantasy will never turn us down,

never deny us our own attractiveness,

simply because it has already done so.

When you start with a 'no',

the fantasy of anything in the realm of 'yes'

is a safe fantasy, one that, in it's impossibility,

becomes wildly attractive,

where anything could happen

because nothing will happen.

So are those attracted to me

only attracted to the fantasy of me?

If I suddenly said 'yes',

would the attraction end?

And what about those that I am attracted to,

but only with the understanding that it is a fantasy?

If my fantasy attractions

suddenly expressed an attraction to me,

would I be able to receive that 'yes'?

Or would I lose my attraction to them,

losing the fantasy because

it is now possible instead of impossible?